Don't Feed the Llamas

 

The Drama Llama. We all know one (or, like, a hundred).

                                                                   Look familiar?

He is Legion. A master of disguise, he is always lurking dramatically in the shadows, aching to tell you stories about all of the idiotic crap he's "struggling" with. It's infuriating.

                                                          

I was originally tempted to pull some DL style bitchery out, since I've been foisted, yet again, into some stupid, stupid crap, but that's not really how I roll, so I will internalize my issues and get on with my day.

So, on to a new topic!

Here's a list of the completely random things that terrify me:

Dolphins- I think they're disgusting, and smart enough to be a threat to humanity. It's true, I've seen that Treehouse of Horrors. They are definitely not to be trusted.

Cows- As previously alluded to, I think they are secretly plotting humanity's downfall. I do, however, like them when they are on their way into my belly. Delicious jerks...

Fairies- I'm afraid of them for loads of reasons, really. They are a bunch of mean, vengeful Herpes Marys (like Typhoid Mary. Get it? I'm so clever). Google it. Or don't. I am not sure that the internet is aware of this side of them.

Fog- Who knows what's in there??? Might be fairies...

People generally, dating specifically- Yeah, it freakin' terrifies me. Primarily because A) I suck at it and B) I have basically zero understanding of people. They're weird. However, ticking uterine time bomb dictates that at some point I will have to suck it up and do it.

My Insidey Parts- See cows and dolphins. I feel like it's just biding it's time. Strangely, I have no real fear of death. I mostly fear that my body will eventually decide to do something really douchey but non-fatal. Like, I don't know, spontaneous combustion of a limb, or maybe a MJ-style nose slide.

                                      Wait, did that ever happen, or was it, like, an urban legend?

Box Elder Bugs- I didn't used to be afraid of them, but after the Bif Beetle debacle, I find myself very skittish around them all of a sudden.

Clowns in the Rain- Not regular clowns, they're stupid, but not terrifying. Now, picture a clown in a downpour. With paint running down their faces and getting all smooshy. Meep!

Hamsters- Yes, I have Hamsterphobia. They are gross and ugly and mean and I want them all dead. Every god damned last one of them. I was viciously savaged by one as a child, and the fear stuck.

Small Dogs- Okay, they don't terrify me, but they do offend me greatly. I think because of their hamster-like qualities. If it's under 12 pounds, it's not a dog. It's a fucking hamster. Get over yourself.
And I feel that I should add that I loooooove dogs. But only real ones.

Well, that was extremely random and unproductive.