Thursday, November 19, 2015

Throat Punch!!!! Or, My Two Cents - now with CAPS LOCK!

Those of you who know me are likely very aware of my feeling that EVERYONE is entitled to their opinion on pretty much everything. No matter how tragically fucking stupid I might find that opinion. I think it is our right as sentient beings to feel however we want about whatever we want. But there is a point where a line must be drawn. You DON'T GET TO STATE YOUR OPINION AS FACT, and YOU DON'T GET TO CRAM YOUR OPINION DOWN THE THROATS OF EVERYONE YOU COME INTO CONTACT WITH.

I understand that we, as Americans, are in the midst of some extremely polarizing issues at present, but that's nothing new. So HANDLE YOUR SHIT.

Something like aiding refugees is, in my mind, not really a matter of decision. They are PEOPLE. We are PEOPLE. PEOPLE SHOULD HELP OTHER PEOPLE AT EVERY AVAILABLE OPPORTUNITY. What do you really have if you don't even have compassion for other living beings? Maybe it's worth debating exactly WHAT WE DO to help, but how is helping or not even a matter of decision? This isn't a matter of hurt feelings or wounded pride, this is literally a matter of life and death for these people. Fuck your political beliefs. They're irrelevant to this particular conversation. This is bigger than your political ideologies.

Aiding Syrian refugees is in no way related to our deplorable treatment of our veterans. Their plight in NO WAY diminishes that of our veterans. I think the current trend of delivering the ultimatum of "us or them" does both a huge disservice. You're clouding 2 completely separate and incredibly important issues, and I would like to personally throat punch you for being so painfully ignorant. There is no Them. There is only Us - people.

I have ignored so many of my Facebook friends in the last week because I can't abide the fear mongering, hatred, paranoia, and the complete inability of certain of them to engage in reasonable discussion with people whose viewpoints don't completely mirror theirs. Will I cut all ties with them? No. I will simply ignore their inability to intelligently defend their opinions, and rejoin them when the parroting of other's views has tapered off. And then I will reasses their validity as future friends. Because my friends need to require the ability to debate above a 5 year old's level.

What happened to the days when we could have civil conversations about such important topics with such far-reaching implications?

I'm not even mad. Or disappointed. I'm fucking furious. Throat punches all around. I'm mostly kidding about the throat punching. But really, shitting on someone for disagreeing with you is foolish at best. Your simply ensuring that you will never again grow as a human being. Congratulations, Pikachu. Whatever evolved Pikachu's name is is NOT in your future. I was too old for Pokemon. Sue me.

Now that I have vented, if you have something to contribute, I encourage you to do so here - debate is encouraged. Provided you can conduct  yourself like a grownup. Clearly profanity is not a deal breaker, though.


Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Post-Halloween Clearance rocks my socks off!

I loooooove all things Halloween. Every year, in the week after the holiday, I spend basically all of my excess cash buying boatloads of amazing horror-themed delights. This year, I didn't have quite as much as I would have liked to have blown, but I think that between Shawn and myself, we got a pretty impressive haul - hello, werewolf-skin rug! I only took a few pictures to share, because honestly, transferring them from camera (phone) to laptop is a little more work than I feel like doing (I blame cramps).

So, to get right to it, here we have the 2 AMAZING wreaths I bought from Michaels for 80% off. (O_O) Shawn said these needed to be mentioned, because we don't usually adult, and we both feel that these were acceptably grownup-like,


Please forgive my inability to take a quality photo.


I also got a cake stand (which is currently holding some makeup) with a skeleton hand sticking up out of the center, the aforementioned werewolf-skin rug, some arm-and-hand bone salad servers, a raven hand towel, and probably some other stuff that is escaping me currently.

And, although we bought these last year, I will share the following 2 photos as they just finally went up.



                                        So, bats and bloody hand-prints/blood splatters.

Don't worry, the apartment is not always as messy as it looks in that top picture. I think we were packing for our recently aborted camping trip...

Friday, November 6, 2015

My grip on reality is tenuous

I had a strange night. I don't know what time I fell asleep (any of the numerous times it happened, for that matter), but I remember at one point having an extremely detailed dream that Shawn and I went to some shady looking house that was actually a haunted mansion/carnival thing. Inside, there was a roller coaster-type thing (like, imagine if a roller coaster and a ferris wheel had a baby - only that baby was a hexagonal blob of wood filled with human corpses. Rollerwheeler? Hexagonal Corpse Grinder? I dunno.) that I rode. In order to ride this possibly literal death machine, I had to hold onto the boards on the sides as it whipped me around and down this track, and every time I was at the forefront, I could feel the dead bodies inside it smashing into my back. I am not sure where Shawn was supposed to be at this point. It was tremendous - and by tremendous, I obviously mean disturbing.

Anyway, after I got off the death-coaster-wheel, we decided to leave - but not because we were appropriately horrified - oh, no, no. We decided to leave because it was getting "pretty late." Apparently I am a crotchety old bat in my dreams as well...

After we walked out the door and onto the adorably cobblestoned walkway, we were attacked by a roving band of Juggalos.

I'm just going to let that sink in for a moment.

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To continue, these Juggalos tried to, I don't know, beat us up or something? But we escaped. Only to wind up in front of the very same Carnival of Creepy. Which the Juggalos had now set fire to. Why are there Juggalos in my dreams???!!! How did I know it was them?! The plot thickens...

For some reason, they decided to frame us for burning down what was, apparently, a pillar of the community. So we ran, because what do you do when the Juggalos come for you? You freakin' run. Those people are kinda creepy... Sorry Juggalos, I've no room to judge, but y'all weird me out. Big time.

And then I woke up.

And now I have to live with knowing I had this dream. It's worse than the old lady and Chucky trying to murder me in a Burger King Playland. Yeah, I've had that one too. More than once.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

That Other Time I Time-Traveled

Time Travel seems to be a theme for me lately.

So, to begin - I currently telecommute 4 days a week, which means that I technically only need to leave my house on Wednesdays. This is normally wonderous. Yesterday, not so much.

In order to arrive at my desk by my scheduled start time of 7 AM, I have to leave my house around than 6:15. So, I get in my car, and the clock reads 7:18. This, for whatever reason (rampant stupidity/coffee shortage), totally registers, but bothers me not at all. However, about 40 seconds (give or take 3 minutes) after pulling out of the garage, when my clock suddenly reads 6:21- I straight up lose my shit. I had to pull over to gather my scattered wits. I panicked. I legitimately had the thought, "Oh fuck me, I've travelled to the past! Or is it tomorrow? What if it's been longer!"

Eventually I realized I am, in fact, a complete idiot.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Because Time Travel

Now that I've written something again, I can't seem to stop. You don't know this, but I'm writing to you from the past (yay, scheduling!). I have decided that Cast Puppies need to be discussed. I feel like this is very important.

Last night, in the throes of cold medicine-induced delusions, I found myself explaining to Shawn that if I could just get my hands on a "large, majestic puppy," and 6 leg casts (2 human and 4 puppy shaped), I could quit my job and survive comfortably on the donations of others. See, we would hobble together through parks the world over, and politely explain to any who would listen (well, I would - clearly this kind of thing is not in the puppy's wheelhouse. He could only communicate it to other puppies. Unless, he's a magic puppy like Air Bud - but I digress). In hindsight, I realize this would be a con - and not really in line with my moral compass and/or general work ethic, but I was relatively certain that it would be a perfectly acceptable life choice.

I feel that it is worth mentioning that this whole line of conversation began because I started by....

EXPLAINING THAT FREE CANDY ONLY HELPS KIDNAP CHILDREN AND IDIOTS, AND THAT THE TICKET TO TEENS OR ADULTS IS TO CARRY A BOX OF INJURED PUPPIES IN YOUR VAN, BUT...SPOILER ALERT: THEY AREN'T REALLY INJURED (you're not a monster) THEY'RE WEARING CASTS FOR PRETEND - TO HELP YOU KIDNAP BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND THEYJUSTLOVEYOUSOMUCHANDWANTYOUTOBEHAPPY.

So, yeah. That all happened.

Friday, October 23, 2015

I have so much to write, and so little motivation to write it.

The world is a big, scary....thing, and I haven't really felt like being an active part of it in quite some time. Sorry.

There, now that's been said, let's move on, shall we?

My brother got married recently. It was a perfectly short ceremony, and I cried. A lot. Probably while loudly protesting that I was not crying. It's all a bit of a blur, really. I will try to explain myself here, because it might make my behavior seem less awkward in hindsight.

First, there were, like, 20 people there that I didn't know. Crowds and/or strangers stress me out. Possibly because I'm defective. Also, my niece was the most adorable tiny lady I have ever seen - as always. I was really proud of/uncomfortable with my brother being such a fucking adult all of a sudden.

And then shit got super crazy up inside my brains. I started thinking about how suddenly I have this new family member. And a sister, no less. And why do I only hear from the sister I ALREADY HAVE (every few years) ONLYWHENSHEWANTSMONEYORTOUSEMYCAR?! WHYISTHISMYLIFE?! And then I realized I was being insane, so I made my brain stop trying to do...whatever the shit that was.

To summarize: I think I can safely say now that I know what temporary insanity feels like.

That's all you get for now.maybe next time we can talk about me and a puppy in leg casts and why this is the future of wealth.

Monday, May 4, 2015

Random Update

I have been getting really overwhelmed by EVERYTHING lately. Like, it has gotten bad enough that most days, I actually struggle to leave the house. Work, school, life, the world, people... It is just freaking me out. A lot. So, I was thinking - (bear with me, this is going to get a little...snakey...)

I have a ton of makeup. Like, seriously, you would be horrified. There's sooo much of it. And I buy new stuff pretty regularly. At last count I had over 300 different eyeshadows. I probably have 30 different shades of lipstick. Hell, I have nail polish for basically every conceivable situation.

But! There is a reason for this seemingly random statement. Makeup, to me, is sort of like battle armor. When I take the time to put on makeup, I feel...a little better. Better about myself, better about life, and better about the world in general.

So, I think I have found a solution to whatever this is that makes me freak the hell out every time I have to be in public with more than, like, 5 people: FULL ON BODY PAINT.

Just kidding, I know that is fucking ludicrous (although the horrors of my makeup addiction are very, very real). But seriously, this is a very real problem for me right now. I now regularly freak out in public. Like, sweating, heart-racing, might vomit, and I'm just generally becoming more and more unpleasant to be around out in the real world. Does that happen to any of you readers (assuming there are readers)? What do you do? Is there any way to deal with this that doesn't involve my life spinning horribly out of control when I become hopelessly, Requiem for a Dream-ly addicted to weird crazy pills?

Magic potions, Harry Potter spells, mantras, gris-gris, anything?!

Thursday, March 19, 2015

I suck at having a blog.

I do. I know. School, life, excuses, etc.

But just for a moment, can we talk about how right the world is right now?

I graduate in May.

I just got back from a wonderful vacation with the most amazing boyfriend I could ever have hoped for.

There will soon be a baby AFP/Neil Gaiman.

AND IT'S ZOMBEAVERS EVE!

Life feels pretty good right now.