Now that I've written something again, I can't seem to stop. You don't know this, but I'm writing to you from the past (yay, scheduling!). I have decided that Cast Puppies need to be discussed. I feel like this is very important.
Last night, in the throes of cold medicine-induced delusions, I found myself explaining to Shawn that if I could just get my hands on a "large, majestic puppy," and 6 leg casts (2 human and 4 puppy shaped), I could quit my job and survive comfortably on the donations of others. See, we would hobble together through parks the world over, and politely explain to any who would listen (well, I would - clearly this kind of thing is not in the puppy's wheelhouse. He could only communicate it to other puppies. Unless, he's a magic puppy like Air Bud - but I digress). In hindsight, I realize this would be a con - and not really in line with my moral compass and/or general work ethic, but I was relatively certain that it would be a perfectly acceptable life choice.
I feel that it is worth mentioning that this whole line of conversation began because I started by....
EXPLAINING THAT FREE CANDY ONLY HELPS KIDNAP CHILDREN AND IDIOTS, AND THAT THE TICKET TO TEENS OR ADULTS IS TO CARRY A BOX OF INJURED PUPPIES IN YOUR VAN, BUT...SPOILER ALERT: THEY AREN'T REALLY INJURED (you're not a monster) THEY'RE WEARING CASTS FOR PRETEND - TO HELP YOU KIDNAP BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND THEYJUSTLOVEYOUSOMUCHANDWANTYOUTOBEHAPPY.
So, yeah. That all happened.