Because Knowing is Half the Battle

Because GI Joe

 

Today I finally got the skinny on the Bucket List. Isn't that weird? All this time and I didn't really know what it was. I just thought it was one of those things people said because they thought it made them sound cool. Like "dope," "fly" (wait, do people still say that? I guess I don't really know...), or whatever the hell else people say. So, now that I know for certain what it is, I'm kind of intrigued. I don't really have time tonight to make this particularly encompassing, but I do have a few things that I simply MUST DO before I die.

They are as follows, in no particular order:

• Publish a comic. Also acceptable, web comic.
• Punch all the famous/"famous" people I truly despise- this is not an all encompassing list, but to name a few- Meg Ryan, Halle Berry, Michael Cera, Ben Affleck, Fred Durst, that douche from Creed, the douche from Nickelback, ICP (and all the juggalos), the Chocolate Rain guy, Jared from Subway, Papa John, and all the people in the cake pop infomercial- especially that bitch who can't seem to keep her cake on the plate. Again, not all inclusive, but it's a start. There are soooo many people I want to hit!
• Get gay married. Even if it's a sham marriage, I like the idea of rubbing it in people's faces. I was talking to a gay-marrying friend today, and it just sounded like something I could have A LOT of fun with.
• Ride one of those *I think they're Irish Wolfhounds* that are always out at Fest like a god damned pony! They're huge, and gorgeous and just my size! I just want to slap a saddle on one of them and go rob a train or something....
• Glitter Bomb a Fairy. Except instead of glitter, maybe use anthrax or powdered glass or something.
• Go on a solo, extended vacation to the United Kingdom.
• Base jump
• Live in a cabin in the woods (no cell phones allowed). Maybe write a Great American Novel. And don't lose my shit Shining-style.
• Get a genital piercing. Cuz, why the hell not?