Travel Tips and Unicorns

Today I was finally able to briefly live out something magical. Open forum in Spanish class! I have decided that there are a few key phrases that every respectable traveler should know. I ask them in each language class I take. I have compiled my years of research for you here.

I need alcohol, please. 

Spanish: Necesito alcohol, por favor.
French: J'ai besoin d'alcool, s'il vous plait.
German: Ich brauche Alkohol, bitte.

Help! Please don't kill me. I love you!

Spanish: Auxilio! Por favor no me mates. Yo te amo!
French: Au secours! S'il vous plaît ne me tuez pas. Je t'aime!
German: Hilfe! Bitte töte mich nicht. Ich liebe dich!

I am a human weapon.

Spanish: Soy un arma humana.
French: Je suis une arme humaine.
German: Ich bin ein Mensch Waffe.

You'll thank me later. :)

In other news, Day One of the Official Pants-Off Protest was a rousing success. Mostly. I did not wear pants. I wore a skirt. I feel like that still counts. I took that off the second I walked in the door though, so even if you're a purist, I should still get an A for Effort. It's pretty cold outside. But I am committed to a Pants Free Lifestyle now. And ya know what? It feels pretty good.

Also, today was ragey. It felt more like Monday than Monday did. I'm glad it is basically over. I'm off to get to drinkin' in the tub. That's what classy bitches do!

Because Knowing is Half the Battle

Because GI Joe

 

Today I finally got the skinny on the Bucket List. Isn't that weird? All this time and I didn't really know what it was. I just thought it was one of those things people said because they thought it made them sound cool. Like "dope," "fly" (wait, do people still say that? I guess I don't really know...), or whatever the hell else people say. So, now that I know for certain what it is, I'm kind of intrigued. I don't really have time tonight to make this particularly encompassing, but I do have a few things that I simply MUST DO before I die.

They are as follows, in no particular order:

• Publish a comic. Also acceptable, web comic.
• Punch all the famous/"famous" people I truly despise- this is not an all encompassing list, but to name a few- Meg Ryan, Halle Berry, Michael Cera, Ben Affleck, Fred Durst, that douche from Creed, the douche from Nickelback, ICP (and all the juggalos), the Chocolate Rain guy, Jared from Subway, Papa John, and all the people in the cake pop infomercial- especially that bitch who can't seem to keep her cake on the plate. Again, not all inclusive, but it's a start. There are soooo many people I want to hit!
• Get gay married. Even if it's a sham marriage, I like the idea of rubbing it in people's faces. I was talking to a gay-marrying friend today, and it just sounded like something I could have A LOT of fun with.
• Ride one of those *I think they're Irish Wolfhounds* that are always out at Fest like a god damned pony! They're huge, and gorgeous and just my size! I just want to slap a saddle on one of them and go rob a train or something....
• Glitter Bomb a Fairy. Except instead of glitter, maybe use anthrax or powdered glass or something.
• Go on a solo, extended vacation to the United Kingdom.
• Base jump
• Live in a cabin in the woods (no cell phones allowed). Maybe write a Great American Novel. And don't lose my shit Shining-style.
• Get a genital piercing. Cuz, why the hell not?